Thursday, March 30, 2006

No Smoking (more or less)

First of all, a disclaimer: I know that the majority of the people who read this page are non-smokers, and think that smoking’s a vile, nasty habit. Regardless, no high horses, please. Shetland ponies only.

The smoking ban came in at 6am on Sunday morning. I think it’s a good thing, although I think it may have been better to introduce it as they did in Ireland, at the end of an evening, with a great big party.

It is now illegal to smoke in any enclosed public space, such as bars, restaurants, etc etc.

What worried me was the vitriol between the two opposing camps in newspapers, magazines and the like, leading up to this law coming into effect.

The majority of smokers considered the supporters of the ban to be heartless killjoys, and the majority of the non-smokers considered smokers to be murdering bastards.

Speaking purely for myself, whilst I may have smoked in pubs (albeit trying to keep it as far away from non-smokers as possible and, if I were with a non-smoker, asking if they’d prefer if I stepped outside), I did not smoke in restaurants (ewwww), bus shelters, near children or pregnant women (or indeed, any passer by) and, in general, kept (and keep) my nasty toxic fumes away from everyone else.

I think the supporters of the ban had (and have) a very valid point and, whilst there’s a bit of me that wishes that there were a few select pubs where we could still suck on our death-sticks in the warm, I think Scotland was right to bring in this law.

In summation: ban good, not all non-smokers are tight-arsed killjoys, and not all smokers are murderous, child-choking bastards.

Oh, and I never drop cigarette butts in the street, either. Littering is bad too, mmmkay?

Here. The Oracle of Bacon*. I can't get more than three.

*Do you see what I did there? Bacon? Smoking? Smoked bacon?
Oh, never mind.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Keelhaul the landlubbers!

Now, I know it's not Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th), but what the hey.

Review of the book Sodomy and the Pirate Tradition.

Anne Bonny.

Henry Morgan.

Captain Kidd and Clarke's Island.

The Pirate Image Archive.

Pirates versus ninjas. I think you can guess where I stand on this.

General pirate links.

I may be psychic. I predict I shall be spending a lot of my money here.

Sunday, March 26, 2006


Apologies to those who aren't visiting in May...

I am so incredibly excited about the invasion of foreigners in May. I'm also tense-muscled, inadvertant-shaking, mind-freezingly terrified.

We were in Edinburgh Bargain Stores (purveyors of cheap items) yesterday, and I had a panic attack in the crockery aisle. I was looking at cheap glasses and plates, considering what we needed for the visit, and then my mind started running through all the things I have to do before May, and the terror kicked in, and I ended up having a full-blown panic attack, complete with hyperventilation and being on the verge of crying.

God, I suck.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Aspects of my Edinburgh

My Edinburgh may be a little different from other people's Edinburgh...

About two or three years ago, a fire started on the Cowgate. It gutted the buildings, and left behind just walls. It's been vacant and uncared for ever since.

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Does it count as graffiti if you write it on a bit of paper and then stick it on something?
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This is a key hanger thingy with a mounted Westie head on it.
I... don't know what to say.
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I thought the different types of light were pretty.
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Burning question of our time...
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Nice framing, but hurried.
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I love this building.
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Looking up at the crane gives me vertigo.
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Choo choo is... come on! Don't leave me hanging!
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Now these are sown, if anyone attacks the Scottish Parliament, they shall be driven off by skeletal warriors.
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Spam I Received Today

Senders' names in brackets, when they make more sense or make them funnier.

(GirlsLovê) AGiàntDick


(viag--permanent'grow) Re:


you nëëd a fùk friend

ah what is up

want to see you

Lðw cðst Vi ágrá, L ëvitrá, & Ciá lis

(MàkéY0urMành00d) S0BigItDràgs

useEphedra - its#1

HotPharmaceuticals at7O%-off!

PremiumSavings upTo70%!

Still Time to LoseWeight For Summer

(Your Invited) to get laid

(longerhardererection) Re:

wänted: ScrèwBùddy


(énlarge) YourPénis

(ailey A carolin) iwantyounow

(erectusmen' senhance...) Re:

(weightlosssensation) Re:

(MakéY0urManh00d) LàrgérThénTheT0pP0rnStàrs

(The Old Breconian...) RE: FW:

(Sxy_Wife) craving cöck

You know, I think I like the one in yellow most. Anyone else received any amusing spam lately?

Friday, March 17, 2006

Generic Title Involving A Reference To Photos

Ant builders!
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I find this pretty. I know most people won't.
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But then, I also find this fascinating. Again, I know most people won't.
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This is a fabulous name for a scaffolding company.
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On fire. Untrue, but fair enough.
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Incomprehensible graffiti at the BDP.
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Fantastic! What a poster for 'Tear It All Down'!
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Laugh Like Pa were excellent. Here's two dark photos of Huw being Lord of the Bass. Rawk!
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Far and fire and family and faffing.

What do you get if you just google 'how far is it?'
This site, which kept me amused for a good ten minutes, until I realised how depressingly far away I am from most of my friends.

So, after the flames, exploding, melting and so on, we finally have the light back in the living room. My dad dropped round to help Matt change the light fitting, then dropped me at Rowenna's, where I helped her create a blog. I think she has to now go help my brother with something, and then he... anyway. Where was I*? Oh yes. So, it took a couple of hours, and a realisation that I was going to have to explain as I would to a child (her description, not mine), but we got there in the end.

*Note the slightly self-conscious 'where was I' there, as I did realise where I was meant to be going, because I read back the beginning of the rambling. But at the same time I do tend to type this silly bloody webpage just as I would speak it, in which case I wouldn't have been able to read it back and would have had to have you remind me. So perhaps it's not as pretentious as it might seem. Or perhaps it is. Leave me alone!

Useful to know...

*ahem* 'True' ghost stories.

The Chronicles of George.

Monday, March 13, 2006

An announcement!

Check out Laugh Like Pa. They rock, contain my baby brother, and have a name I thought up.

I am a little obsessed with 'Find You'.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Am I going to hell?

Today it snowed, and we built a snowman. There is a certain moral debate going on in my head about whether, in an area with a lot of young children, we should have made the shot-through-the-eye snowman.
Oh well.

Note the strategic use of red paint.
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Exit wound with blood spatter.
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Matt and the Dead Boy.
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Yes, I know. I'm a sick, sick girl.

Oh, and possibly because I had a tiny bit of sugar, I spent most of the day saying inane things (You: No! Really? But you're usually so pithy and concise! Me: Yes, I know!) and then shushing myself. Out loud. Involuntarily. It wasn't so bad (if you ignore the mockery from the husband) up until the point I said something random, shushed myself jokingly, and then immediately went Shhh!, putting my finger to my lips. I didn't mean to shhh. It just came out. So there you go.

Last night was Movie night at my sister's house again. A Bucket of Blood, Queen of Blood, and Night of the Living Dead were watched, many jokes about blow jobs were made (oh, so very mature), various foodstuffs and alcohols were consumed, and we tried to zip my arms together, but it didn't work.

And I think you mostly know the whole small explosion/tad of being on fire story, so I'll skip that for now.

Yesterday was Birthday of the Sultan of Selangor (Malaysia), and today is Crown Princess' Nameday in Sweden.
Oooh, me finding that daily celebrations webpage was a bad plan.


Monday, March 06, 2006


(do you see what I did there?)

T-shirt slogans that I actually want to have on t-shirts.

Badger the Bacon! Harangue the ham! (an adaptation of my original one)

Skeptics do it double-blinded.

Jesus touches me (deep inside). (sorry, that one's a little dodgy.)

Anybody got any nifty phrases that would look cool on a t-shirt?


This site is quite fun (N(particularly)SFW, unless you have a pretty damn cool work). Check out the Victorian Sex Cry Generator

My point exactly! I like the diagram.

Hey, guess what? There's an axe in my head!

Here you go, *kiddos. Go crazy.

*This presumably is the plural of 'kiddo'. It's strange that it should look so like the name of one of **Ming the Merciless' children, or something.

**This website is weird...

Bozhe moi! Eto topor v moyei golove!
Until next time...

Dream weaving...

Dreams I have had (oh, the excitement!) recently:

*We were on a bus, Matt and I, and I was trying to find the correct change for our fares (which was £1.77 for some reason). Matt had gone to sit down, and was either asleep or pretending to be, and I couldn't sort out my change.

The bus started off, so I fell over, and I was desperately trying to wake Matt to come and help me. In front of each seat was a coin slot for the air conditioning, which cost 20p, and beside each window seat was a coin slot for 'A Free Grope', which cost £1.30. What the hell?

Anyway, Matt woke up, and I was sharing Opal Fruits with him. I got the red and purple ones, he got the orange and green ones, and then I came across one I thought must be peach or apricot. Nope. There on the wrapper was a picture of a wedge of cheese.

Cheese flavoured Opal Fruits.

There is something inherently wrong with my brain.

*Coming in as one of the top ten of 'incredibly pointless dreams I have had', I had a dream about an argument about a Robert Jordan book. Someone was holding out one of his books, and quite aggressively announcing I hadn't read it. I was all "No, I could swear I have. Can I see the back cover? I'm sure I've read it..."Matt was there, and quite nicely agreeing with the other person ("Darling, I don't think you have read it, you know...") and I was getting more and more annoyed, and this other person was being more and more of an asshat...

See? Pointless!

Oooh, unless the faceless, anonymous person is my psyche or guilt or something... taunting me for never having read a Robert Jordan. Matt would have been the voice of truth and reason, and I'd be my own reactionary self. Ooooh.

*Odd dream I had last night about being the principal boy in my work's (in reality, entirely non-existent) pantomime. Wandering around the building in pants and a man's shirt, seeing my co-workers in their underwear, finding a whole load of kids playing with a tiny toy railway, and meeting some guy who loved me 'as his mother did', despite the fact his mother was a bee.

D'you think I need therapy?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Saturday. Hello there!

We went to bed early last night. Well, not early early, but pretty damn early for owls like us. A bit after midnight.

So we got up early this morning. Well, not early early, but pretty damn early for owls like us. About 9.30 for Matt and 10 for me*.

It was weird. We usually stay up until the early hours, then sleep at least until lunchtime.

So, Matt was trying to fiddle with the new sound card for the computer, then we watched some Bill Bailey, then I got out out of my pyjamas (and into my clothes) and we hopped onto a bus into town**.

We went to one of our favourite places for lunch, a place called the Babylon Cafe. It's wonderfully seedy. It's small and cramped, the ketchup tastes like it's been watered down with vinegar, there's always some old woman chain smoking in there, the waitresses are, without exception, Eastern European and easily confused... but damn, they make good omelette and chips.

Then we went to see the Monster Creepy Crawlies exhibition at the National Museum. It was very cool. We managed to nab ourselves the 'trail' booklets that were meant for kids, so we spent an enjoyable hour wandering about, answering the questions and using the ink stamps.

We were thrown to realise it was only about 2.30 when we left the museum. So we went for a cup of tea, I lusted after the clothes in Electric Cabaret and Underground Nation (I'm saving up for a new pair of boots and, therefore, can't afford any clothes), then we headed home.

We stopped for a pint in our local on the way, and there was the most wonderfully drunk old man there. He just kept shouting (in a broad Scots accent) Dangermouse! Dangermouse! The best detective in the world!
He was so funny.

And now we're watching rugby, and I'm looking for magnified images of insects on Google, as I have an idea for a series of drawings.

*One of the reasons I got up so early was because, despite me wearing the pyjamas of snugness, and being under a duvet and four blankets (including the Blankie of Ultimate Warmth) I was still too cold to doze off again. Our bedroom's so icy!

**Sometimes you just don't feel like walking uphill for 20 minutes. That's my excuse, anyway.

Sorry, this is a really dull post, isn't it?
Well, that was my day.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Things I saw (on my way home from work)

*The shop in the gallery over the road
*A man in a woolly hat with a bobble on, and a rather nifty suit
*A flock of Pigeons
*A really, really tall crane (not the bird kind, the building kind)
*Some of the stickers you get given to prove you've paid to see Hans
*The most expensive interior design shop in the world
*Some plums
*Crocuses and little mini daffodils
*A woman with that curious make-up of very dark fake tan with frosted lipstick

Now, boys and girls, it's link time! (Yay!)

AOL Translator.

Troll Turds.

Sisterhood through stickers.

Huzzah! Invertebrates! (Check out his poetry page. I quite like it.)

This was not what I was hoping for when I googled jam poetry. Oh well.

Also, today is World Book Day, so why not curl up with a book, caress it, and tell it you love it, eh?

Ok, ok... I'll stop typing now.
Over and out!