Thursday, December 01, 2005

A lump of gammon.

Two Arguments Matt And I Have Had Recently
A Snapshot Of Our Marriage

1.Whether we do, in fact, need a 6.5 kilo lump of gammon, which I'd named George. (I lost)

2.Whether my use of the word 'momentarily' is accurate (it's a Terry Pratchett thing I picked up). Annoyingly, I knew he was right all along. Bloody pedant.

A Very Disturbing Thing

I was reading online film reviews (yes, I know. What a surprise) and I was on this site, and reading about what sounds like an appalling film, and then after the review came something worse. And this is bad. Take it from someone who has, on her computer, Rolf Harris singing 'I Touch Myself' by the Divinyls. Scroll down to the bottom of the page, and listen to this...


And we bought another plant yesterday. A big 'un. I have no idea what type of plant it is, since the label just said "I am easy to care for (hooray)! Keep me in a warm (fat chance) bright room and water me when my soil gets dry (ok)."

So that brings our house plant count up to... about 15. They're on every window sill in the house. It may not sound like an awful lot, but our flat is very small, and some of our plants are very large.

Spike, who's a Dragon Tree (although real, rather'n artificial), and is the oldest of our plants at nearly six years, is about four and a half feet tall.

Giles, the one we bought yesterday, is about two and a half feet.

Several of the others are spider plants, and you know how they grow. They're called Pider, Spidey, Webslinger and Webhead, incidentally.

Ben's a fig tree, Chen is some sort of freaky-ass cactus that looks like he's got all suckers and tentacles, and Joe Scully is... ummm... some other sort of tree.

And then there's all the smaller ones.

I think I have a dependancy on plants. Is there a help group for this sort of thing?


At 11:38 pm, Anonymous accipiter said...

I just have The Plant. I think he's something related to the aloe plants. I found him in a broken plant pot far far away, and for some reason I kept him. I have subsequently smuggled him across at least three international borders (thumbs his nose at the Customs officials, although making certain that they aren't actually watching him at that moment).

I've had The Plant for about ten years now, and he's still nothing but a little green conglomeration of 3-inch-long spikes. And every Christmas, he gets decorated.

At 12:26 am, Anonymous smerk said... think having Rolf Harris' interpretation of I touch myself on your computer is bad? I actually have it on a CD...

At 1:26 am, Blogger Your Secret Snowflake... said...

So what exactly is a lump of gammon, anyway?

At 10:35 am, Anonymous accipiter said...

A lump of gammon is just like a paperclip, Snowy, only without the metal, the shine, the shape, or the size, and instead having large quantities of dead pig meat.

At 10:53 am, Blogger ScarletManuka said...

I chose not to listen to Rolf as I feel it will envoke too many nasty images.
I admit it, I'm a wuss.

At 11:54 am, Blogger Mort said...

Can i have a copy of that CD Smerk? Rolf Rocks. I saw him at Glastonbury in 2000 and he was by far the best act i've ever seen at the festival in the four times i've been.
Saying that i wish i could download that dalek track, sounds funny.

As for plants, Lauren still has Frank the plant i saved from Tesco (It looked like it had been played football with so i bought it to save it). This means that out of the custody she got:

2)Freddy the fish (which I won)
3)All my plants including Frank
4)All the furnature MY parents brought us.
5)All the furnature HER parents brought us.
6)The Microwave (Ours has just broken, typical).
7)The DVD player.
8)The CD player.
9)MY Italian Coffee Perculator.


At 11:56 am, Blogger Hieronymus Anonymous said...

Everyone who enters our house has to listen to the Rolf song anyway.
You'll all have to suffer it.

At 1:00 pm, Blogger ScarletManuka said...

Rolf Harris himself isn't too bad, but him singing 'I touch myself' is what scares me!

At 10:50 pm, Blogger LaMa said...

Bunny bought me a bulb flower 1.5 weeks ago. It's the only sort of plant-thingy in my house. I hope it will survive. I think you'll still remember the sad picture of the sunflower R. gave me last summer....


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