Spam Titles (AKA Google Magnet)

Ok, so at work, it seems a previous receptionist signed up for some pretty dodgy sites using the reception email address. Every morning, despite all the precautions against spam, I have to clear the inbox of dozens of phishing scams, adverts for online pharmacies, offers of very cheap software, and the occasional Nigerian scam. And, of course, the viagra spam. Full of spelling errors (both accidental and deliberate to avoid the spam filters), ludicrous claims, and, in a few of them, the word "MegaDick".
Below is one day's worth of 'increase your size' email titles, my responses, and one of the disturbing images that came with...

Nights full of excitement become more real with a new dic'k-increasing remedy!

As opposed to imaginary?

Take a challenge of a penile size competition and win with our wonder-med!cine!

There are competitions? What on earth are the prizes?

If you treat your filly as a goddess, why not become a God in her bedroom?

Beastiality is bad, mmmmkay?

There are no losers among the possessors of long dic'ks. Now you can be one of them!

None? None at all? Cite, please!

The most defiant fillies will strive for riding your new big Italian stallion

Ahhh, they have a farm. Now I understand.

It's amazing how this wonderful pill can improve your dik!

But what will it do for my dik-dik?

Turn your trouser mouse into a one-eyed giant with this brand new medicine

... I've never heard the term 'trouser mouse' before.

Cutest girls will go horny and wild when you pull out your new big python

They're really big (no pun intended) on the animal comparisons, aren't they?

Length and strength is what your di'ck really needs!

My di'ck? Really?

Enhance your manliness and sensuality with a new size of your dick

But... I don't want to enhance my manliness!

Even if you were not born with a massive rod, you may easily obtain it

At some sort of DIY shop?

Gigantic rod may be easily obtained with this new medicine

Well, hoorah. My question is answered.

Does your Mr. Winkie need upgrading? Our offer will interest you

*laughs*
Mr Winkie 2.0: Now extendable, and with a vulcanised rubber grip!

You surely deserve to be packed with larger d'ck

Wait, wait, wait... is this one directed at men or women? If it's the latter... ewwww.

May i ask why you're so unhappy with your dic'k?

Certainly. It's because it's non-existent. How about you?

Never agree to be a small-dic'ked loser! Struggle for your s'e_xual well-being!

And FIGHT! For your RIGHT! To PAAAAAAAARTY!

Have you ever felt a kiss of a womb? With your new big rod you'll feel it!

"I've been kissed by a womb on the grave,
I've been kissed by a womb
I've been kissed by a womb on the grave,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a womb
...been kissed by a womb on the grave."

As your dic'k gets larger, no woman will say "no"

Ummm... no.

Increasing your penile size is your sure way towards s'e_xual health and well-being

By having a dangerous and unnecessary drug in your system? Yeah, 'health and well-being', all right.

If your girl cannot be satisfied with your weewee, you have to turn it into a schlong!

*laughs*
Weewee? Schlong? Sexy!

Make your hot girlfriend climax unceasingly stuffing her flower with your new big shaft!

Ewwww...

Dreamin' of having a huge schlong, like black bros have? Now that's not a problem!

Will it also be black?

Enjoy with you hard stick

This somehow sounds like a mistranslated instruction for something innocent.

Get ready for unbelievable changes in your s'e_xual life

Impotence.

You will work wonders in bed with your new long and stiff magic love stick

I'm sure there's some Harry Potter slash fiction out there with this sentence in it...

Your short sword could be much longer and win you more s'e_xual battles!

...and I'm sure there's some WoW slash fiction out there with this sentence in it.