Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Schaden! Schaden, schadenfreude!

It's got to that time of year where my (mostly quite repressed) sense of schadenfreude kicks in. Normally I'm not one to laugh at other people's misfortunes (that may surprise you), especially those physical ones. I don't find injury funny. But, do you know what?

The Festival turns you, man.

Mimes falling off their unicycles? Hilarious.
Tourists not looking and very nearly getting run over? Hysterical.
Drunken 'critics' tripping on cobbles and going flying? A hoot!

It'll pass with the end of the Festival, as it always does. In the meantime, though, I'm giving it free rein.

Here's a list of some of the injuries I've had over the years, to kick your schadenfreude into gear.
  • I fell off a swing onto concrete and cracked my skull.
  • I was running along a wall (hey, I was a kid) and tripped and fell, breaking my finger.
  • Got taken to A&E with a suspected broken ankle after falling off a unicycle.
  • Tripped over my over-long trousers and broke my wrist* (this one is notable, as I had to wear the wrist brace for six damn months, and it seems to have permanently affected how I can sleep.)
  • Do the strokes count?
  • Trying to open a packet of labels using a scalpel, scalpel slipped (as seen on the MoH forum). I still have quite a large scar on my hand.
  • One of my friends startled me whilst welding, and I ran the blowtorch across the palm and fingers of my left hand.

*It wasn't my fault. Flat shoes are teh ebil.

Oh, I'm sure there are so very many more, but that's all I've got for now. Make sure to fully adjust your schadenfreude before starting, and check it's sufficiently oiled.


At 3:51 pm, Blogger oppiejoe said...

Let's see...
1) Rode plastic horsie into moving van and got stitches for the wound it caused when I was much younger
2) was being chased by a friend and was pushed into a chain link fence support.. beautiful ding in the middle of my forehead for that one
3) lost grip on 3 pound maul and fractured a toe when it fell on it full force from my swing
4) fell off back of couch while "tightrope" walking (read that "showing off") and earned more stitches in the face.
5) had a rather impressive rock the size of a pumpkin "bounced" off the back of my head while tossing rocks into a river with some friends...
6) touched a red-hot stovetop element after when I was much younger... I was curious when it changed from red to black after turned "off"...

I'm still alive to tell the tales.. so it is all good.

At 8:26 pm, Blogger Mouse said...

What about the time you were bouncing on the bed and hit your head off the corner of the chest of drawers? You've still got the scar in your eyebrow from that one!

At 9:19 pm, Blogger Hieronymus Anonymous said...

Yes, thanks.
Our dad phoned earlier, said he'd read the post and pointed that one out.


I was about three.

At 10:47 am, Blogger LaMa said...

That is one impressive list of broken bones! Compared to you Tom Boy I realy am a sissy then....I never broke anything, have no visible scars.

Claims to fame nevertheless:
1) Got a wooden satéh-pin through my hand as a kid. On my birthday. While presenting birthday treats to my primary school class. The satéh-pin was part of the treat (my mother had made flowers from cookies and candy and the satéh-pin was the stem);
2) Teased to do so (yeah, I was a naive sucker) I touched a hot drilling rod as a 10-year-old kid and burnt my fingers while building my first telescope;
3) Was hit full (and hard! It made a loud cracking sound) on the head with a wooden chair by an angry little brother. But I seem to have a thick skull;
4) this is emphasized by the fact that I fell smack on my skull when being thrown into the air (and not being catched again quite well) as part of a silly children's game;
5) got numerous large heavy metal Tonka toy cars thrown at my head by same said little brother (he is nice now, but was an a**hole back then);
6) Ran smack into a lantern-pole while walking and talking with my grandma (who laughed her butt off);
7) Ran smack under a moped while crossing the bike-lane to stop a bus for my other grandma. The girl on the moped was taken to hospital by an ambulance, I escaped with some very bad bruises.

At 9:39 am, Anonymous accipiter said...

Hah! What a bunch of amateurs! ;)

And I'm sure that we're all glad you've survived well enough to still be able to communicate semi-coherently online, Boo. We'd miss having you to laugh at, otherwise. Laugh with, I meant. Laugh with. Yes. That's right. Errrrrm, yes. I think I'll go play with my first aid kit for a while. . .


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