Wednesday, June 04, 2008


I've been thinking a lot about babies recently.

I like babies, mostly.
They all look a tad like evil Winston Churchills to me, but that's not even necessarily a bad thing.
Several of my friends have had babies recently, and my friend S. even brought her new baby to our Eurovision party, and I held him, I jogged him in my arms to stop him crying, and I fed him.
I'm 'godmother' to five kids.
I quite like 'em.

But... I don't want one.
I have always been terrified at the idea of being pregnant, and as for the birth, best I don't think about that too much. The concept of having a tiny little person dependent on me all the time is scary as hell too.

So, when (to not get too graphic here) our primary method of contraception (well, technically our secondary method, but my prescription of pills had run out) failed on Friday night, there was no doubt in our minds as to whether or not we would be hurrying to a chemist on Saturday morning.
The morning-after pill is not cheap - £25 - but worth every penny in this case.

Now, I don't want this post to be about morals or ethics, or whatever, but it's my blog and I just want to say this.
Some people would consider my taking a medication that would potentially stop the egg being fertilised/implanted as being tantamount to my killing a baby. They would also damn me twice, as this is the second time (ever, the first time being... about five years ago) I have had to take emergency contraception. These people scare me.

Anyway (longish story short), I felt a bit nauseous and a bit headachey and tired for a few hours, and then all was back to normal.

I may change my mind in a few years, and start wanting children. But not now, thank you.

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At 8:52 pm, Blogger Rebecca said...

I didn't want a baby either. I never gave the idea as much thought as you have but I think that's mostly because my interests were in other areas so motherhood was never, ever even a passing thought. Probably that's why I ended up getting pregnant though, because whilst in the middle of all the stuff that makes one BE, my interests were still never in that direction. So, I was suddenly carrying a surprise package. A love child (who to this day, takes great pride in announcing that particular position).

It is scary, it's an adventure. Anyone who can love a critter as deeply and passionately as you have and do would be a mother I would select if I had the choice.

No one really, inside, believes they're up to the task. If stuff happens it happens. AND, if you're perfectly happy just being the two of you that's just as wonderful AND fulfilling. I'm thinking you're feeling an instinctual biological ticking that happens to all critters....'specially in the spring. Mating's fun you know?

At 9:05 pm, Blogger Hieronymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your well-thought-out comment, Rebecca.

I may have given the wrong impression with my posting - I didn't mean "I have been thinking about babies in a longing way", but "I have been thinking about the differences in attitude towards babies between me and my peers".

At 9:05 pm, Blogger Hieronymous Anonymous said...

Oh, and thank you so much for:

"Anyone who can love a critter as deeply and passionately as you have and do would be a mother I would select if I had the choice."


At 11:21 pm, Blogger Nettie said...

I must admit that if we didn't have children, that would be ok with me. Sure I get clucky from time to time but I have always thought it wouldn't be a bad thing if we never had children.
Christian however wants kids and I'm more than happy to comply. After all, there are two of us in this marriage. And you know what? The more we try and nothing happens, the more upset I become by not getting pregnant. It's weird how the brain works sometimes.

But sweetie, don't ever let anyone try and make you feel inferior or bad about not wanting children, and if that hasn't happened yet, trust me, it will. People tend to want to go out of their way to give you their five cents worth even if you don't want it and it's never in a nice way. But it's your decision and you stand by it and never feel like you have to justify it to anyone.

Did that make any sense? It's too early in the morning for me at the moment and I know what I want to say but I don't know if it came out right...

At 1:38 am, Anonymous Sharruma said...

Anytime you ever get the urge
just come and talk to me
and I'll talk you out of it

Neither Lisa or I want kiddies either.

At 5:04 am, Blogger Tah said...

I like what Rebecca said. Particularly the last two paragraphs.

Be happy with who you are (as a couple and individually). And don't let others bother you with their opinions of what you should be or do.

At 6:32 am, Blogger Shawna said...

I kind of have to laugh a little. I never wanted to HAVE kids (didn't want to be pregnant, go through labor), so it was great to marry Dave--had a ready-made family! Heather was quite a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.

I agree with Rebecca: I would definitely choose you to be a mother. You've got a BIG heart! But it's also okay that you don't want to be a mother. Not everyone does. And some that are, definitely shouldn't be. And for the record, I don't see anything wrong with taking the morning-after pill. It's taken too early for anything to have actually developed if it was even going to.

*bigbighugs* (Every time I type "hugs" I try to make it "higs"

At 2:10 pm, Blogger MadCarlotta said...

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for not wanting kids!

If anyone asks you about it, just say "well, we were thinking about it, but decided against it after seeing how yours turned out...:)

If they don't have kids, just tell them it would violate the terms of your parole.

That will shut them up. :)

At 4:22 pm, Blogger oppiejoe said...

I never wanted kids and ended up having two. One has been a bit of a struggle but is finally seeming to come around after 18 years. The other will turn 21 this year and is looking forward to a career in tatttoo/piercing as well as bartending.

I gradually got used to being a father and don't think I did too bad a job up until the last bit of ugliness between LRHG & I.

Stick to your heart and don't have kids if you do not want too.... it isn't anyone else's business but yours and your husband.


At 2:56 pm, Anonymous Accipiter said...

To be honest, I was rather ambivalent about having any children back when I was married. I didn't have much in particular against the idea (other than being a bit uncertain about having a small, noisy, messy and totally dependent creature living in the house for a long while), nor did I have any great desire to continue on the lineage or whatever.

But my wife had grown up in a very close family and the whole motherly thing was sort of ingrained in her nature, and she decided that since we were pretty well established in home and finance and whatnot that she wanted at least one child. So we didn't exactly plan to have a kid at any specific time, instead we decided to just let nature take its course and see what happened. And our daughter happened.

I'm still not feeling any great desire to have more children. About the only occasional longings I have for gaining a family are matrimony-related, not spawn-related.

So I can fully appreciate how a couple might not want to have children. A baby is a whole lot of extra work and responsibility and effort and cost, and if you're not feeling up to committing all of that then you shouldn't. It's not only better for you that way, but it wouldn't really be fair to any children that you did have in that case.

And somehow, I don't really see stopping an egg from being fertilised as a blasphemous horror. It just ensures a non-result that is quite likely to happen anyway.


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