Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Motion Sensitive

Lately I have been feeling apathetic.

I feel like only bad things have happened recently, however inaccurate that may be. Dresden died on Sunday after a rather lengthy illness and, since she died, Noser has started wheezing.

I've had issues with my holiday from work.

I feel physically hideous, and mentally like I'm motion activated - if there are other people about, I can react appropriately, but if I'm by myself I just want to sleep or read.

I have no interest in doing things. I have projects I have yet to start, and games I haven't played. I have partly-written blog posts in my saved folder with no end in sight.

I feel the urge to self-harm, but I'm too passive to actually do it.

I don't know what to do. So I am going to go shoot zombies in the face. That might help a bit.

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At 8:42 pm, Blogger chris said...

I know how you feel to an extent. The worst part is not really knowing or indeed caring how to "get better". The best thing I can suggest is spending more time around people.The more time you spend alone and in your own head the worse it gets.
As cliche as it sounds you'll feel motivated to do things in time. As you prolly know yourself these things come in waves. Anyway. keep smiling

At 8:56 pm, Blogger Shawna said...

While I can't climb inside your skull to see exactly how you're feeling, I've had days when I don't want to be around anyone. I'm just feeling grumpy and out of sorts, and don't want to be around anyone. Those times usually only last about a day for me, so I guess I'm lucky. I agree with Chris, though--it might be better if you spend time around other people--even if it's just going to a park and people-watching for a while.

I'm sorry you're in such a funk right now, luv, but it will get better! *bighugs* and hope you're feeling better soon.

At 9:21 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone goes through times when everything bad happens at once and you feel you are drowning varely.keeping your head above water. Ive been there-what I do is walk and head to somewhere to sort my head out-strangely mine is usually a graveyard be it dunf abbey or york garden cemetery as I have a geeky passion for grave recording. I also use the bad stuff in my writibg-my best work is about those bad tines-and that turns it into good kind of as the bad stuff has produced something good. So my advice-get up get out go for a walk and express how you feel-sledgehammering a wall writing or in your art.

At 12:14 am, Blogger Nettie said...

*bighugs* I know how hard it is to be stuck in that dark place hun. It feels like all the colour has drained out of the world and you're just a spectator - just watching the world go by with no inclination to join in.
You're not alone though, you have many, many people who love you and care about you, you have a wonderful husband and you have a best friend who wants nothing more than to be able to be there with you right now to give you a big cuddle.
Chris had some good advice and I agree that these things come in waves. Hopefully it won't be long and you'll be able to see some of that colour again. In the meantime, if you ever need someone to listen, I'm always here for you. I can call you anytime you want to talk, scream, rant or cry.
Love you so much sweetie xxx

At 4:28 am, Blogger Winona said...

Hugs. Wish I could add something more than has already been said! What seems to work for me is volunteering some time - there are always places open even for one time visits. Whatever you do, feel better. Love you!

At 2:56 pm, Anonymous DavePrime said...

*Gentle Hugs*

Like others, i have some inkling of how you are feeling as well. (Hint: everything you describe are pretty common symptoms of that fiend several of us battle daily; Depression.)

The scary thing is that the less you do, the less you FEEL like doing. (If one can be said to 'feel' much of anything some days.)

The only thing I have found that works is moving around in the sunshine, being around the exuberance of small children, and not only Knowing that the self image is a lie, but going out of your way to ignore its hideous whisperings.

You are one of the most honest, caring folks I have found in recent years. I can HONESTLY say that if I hadn't found you and the MoH (and you have been such a BIG part of the MoH, we miss you!) I wouldn't be here right now.

You DO make a difference. A very important one! So ignore the lies about yourself that bounce around inside your head, trying nothing more than to get you to give up!

Shooting zombies is a good start! ;-)

At 11:02 pm, Anonymous Oppiejoe said...

If one of those zombies looks vaguely (or exactly) like me I won't hold it against you...

word verification: peressem
read it as Press 'em!


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