Saturday, August 13, 2011

Hiatus

Sooo... let's just call the last five (or so) weeks a mental health hiatus, shall we?

I knew my depression was back. I tried to deny it. But it was due to some severe prodding from my friend Allison, requests from Matt, and some very wise words from Nettie, that I took the plunge and went to the doctor about it.

I told her of the situation - that I was apathetic, that I'd had an emotional breakdown at work, that I'd tried the CBT techniques and they weren't doing anything. And I told her that, more than anything, I was very very scared because I could almost feel the cutting. That I haven't self-harmed in about five (or more) years but I was really, really tempted.

And she said that she thought I needed help.
So, I've been on the anti-depressants for four weeks now.

Guess what?
Well, I'm still not 100%, but I have the urge to write again. I am not just animated when other people are around as an automatic thing, but I really feel that way. For really real. I'm drawing again. I can genuinely feel optimistic.

Cliche time!
It actually does feel like I've come out from under a cloud. And whilst it may not be all sunshine and rainbows and kittens and unicorns, it's the sort of blustery, cold day that I love.
And that works for me.

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5 Comments:

At 12:36 am, Blogger Nettie said...

'It actually does feel like I've come out from under a cloud. And whilst it may not be all sunshine and rainbows and kittens and unicorns, it's the sort of blustery, cold day that I love. '

Beautifully written my love. I am so glad you got some help and even gladder that you're feeling better.
*hugs*

 
At 12:50 am, Blogger Shawna said...

Ditto what Nettie said.

And also, welcome back! We've missed you. Very glad you're feeling better, hon. *hugs*

 
At 1:52 am, Blogger hulitoons said...

My gosh Beautiful, I'm thankful there are enough people right there, right now, that love you enough to nag you into seeing the doctor in time. Too often we don't have that kind of support. So first, thank all those who pressed, and thank YOU for finally taking the step!

 
At 1:54 am, Blogger JT said...

...the bite in the air that stings your face when you turn into it's teeth, the blasting rain that sticks your hair to your forehead before you blow the water off your nose and laugh into the squall"

 
At 8:23 pm, Anonymous DavePrime said...

I'm glad to hear that you have found some respite! Give yourself a hug for going to the doc! *hugs*

Looking forward to seeing/reading some of your new stuff! :)

 

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